Help can be a complicated engagement. My tendency throughout my life has been independence and self-sufficiency. I have HATED asking for help in the past. Sometimes, I'd felt ashamed at needing help, or was in denial about how bad things were. Other times I'd felt "beyond help", so what was the point? Occasionally, when feeling truly desperate, I did ask for help , and it wasn't granted. This was such a crushing blow to me, that I avoided this situation by not asking for help. Sometimes help came with strings. This I resented. I took it all so so very personally. As if getting help or the kind of help defined me, and my worth. This was a mistake.
With Poppyfield, I was granted a vision of help that propelled me forward into the purchase. A beady friend found herself unable to work at her longtime job for health reasons. She offered to help me, to work with me, for me. We were both excited by this prospect. I must admit, that without the vision of her help, I would not have had the courage to go through with the purchase.
It turns out she has not been able to help in the way that she'd hoped. It seems that wasn't supposed to be her role. She helped me by giving me courage. I found the other help I've needed by looking for others who need my help. I've got some friends who are financially strapped right now. I need help and they need work. We are helping each other. Every day at the store ends with so much gratitude. "Thank you so much for helping." "No, thank YOU."
It has taken me years and some crises to learn to acknowledge when I need help. I've had to learn whom to ask, and also how to ask. Sometimes it's been just as important to learn whom NOT to ask. I am still learning not to resent unhelpful help or unanswered requests for help.
On top of all the help, is the intangible icing on the cake. Needing help, giving help, accepting help - this is the story of the human experience. Allowing myself the humility of need, the gratitude in receiving, and both of those in providing help is just simply relishing being human. What's better than that?
And so the store, my helpful friends, and I move forward one gorgeous bead tube at a time.
